I am feeling lost and bitter? I don’t really know but I don’t feel like me. I want so much from life and yes, I want it now!
Life would be so much easier if I had achieved my main goal in earning a full living from writing novels and sharing my lessons with people who want to hear it. I guess that’s why the term goal is created, because these goals can take time to build. But I don’t want to wait any more. Iwant it to become a reality now.
Then i wonder … well, what’s stopping me from achieving my goal? Is it because the goal seems to far-fetched to me that I don’t truly believe it will happen? If I have learnt anything from the past 2 years, is I really can change my life path and chase my dreams. I have really achieved so much already in such a short timeframe. But something is missing, something that will help me achieve my goal.
The BIG question is … well what is missing? What am I not thinking about that is stopping my flow to receiving my ultimate goal?
Is there another path I have to travel before I can achieve this goal. Is there something greater out there for me to chase?
I love writing stories, novels, ebooks, self-help … I love to write. I love the freedom writing enables me. I love the release of emotions I can jot down on paper and then move on by living. I am sick of feeling that I am not good enough, that my talents may only be perceived as novice … and yet I realise none of this is true and since writing I have mainly received positive comments, reviews and responses of my work. A great reward. So why do I believe that out there in the world, someone may not like my writing? and why do I care?
I have always struggled with people not liking me, my talents or anything else relating to my interests. I would set out to please them any way I could, through humour and interest in them. The relationship would never last long, they either got bored of me or I could not handle being treated by their nature any more. So why worry about those who have no interest in my life or may even think negatively about my life choices?
There is no real reason, the fact of the matter is … if I let people’s opinion (whether verbalised or imagined) control the next move I make then how I am able to live a life filled with leaps and bounds and endless freedom?
Yet how do I breakfree from trying to please people? I have been working on this for the last few months and it has been working, but when I find a hard decision to be made … the first thought is, I wonder what this person would think when they hear about it. When really my first thought should be – I wonder what impact this will have on readers who are going through a similar head space.
No wonder it is said – a crazy person is one who lets their thoughts roam endlessly all day. Whereas if one tries to live in the moment, their mind would be in the present and not wander around, thinking random futuristic thoughts that may do more self harm than good.
Can you relate?